I’ve not posted in a while, and truthfully I’ve been apathetic in my practices for the last few months. There are a lot of really stressful things going on in my life and to say that it has gotten me down would be an understatement to say the least.
I had made plans in August to celebrate Lughnasadh (as it is one of the Sabbats that has the most meaning to me personally), however those plans fell through at the last minute, so other than a quick “moment of silence” type thing, there really wasn’t much to write home about.
Even though it is difficult at best to find anything to be thankful for at this moment, as Mabon approached, I felt called to celebrate it. I usually do my balancing ritual at this time as well, and that is something I am in sore need of, so it was definitely appropriate that I heed the call.
I can honestly say things didn’t start out so well, my celebration actually spanned 2 days (not by choice). I spent about 2 hours on Monday cooking a most awesome (if I do say so myself) feast, only to realize at the very last minute that I was mistaken about the date. That hubby fell asleep before it was done cooking should have been a sign that “something” was not quite right, but yeah… it was a definitely ‘Doh moment. But I ate it anyways and it was really good.
Last night I held my ritual and for one who hasn’t done much recently, it went fairly well. Hubby sort of interrupted once, which threw my energy off just a bit, but it all worked out well in the end. I feel a lot better today than I have. I faced a few things, things that I have known, but have not really ever spoken out loud, and in saying them have hopefully begun to heal. I’ve been broken for awhile now, and trying to fix me has been difficult, but I am determined to get myself out of this hole I am in… and last night was a good first step. We’ll have to see how things go from here, but at least now there is shiny ray of light, whereas before there was only darkness.