In my wanderings around the internet tonight, I discovered that the craft name I’ve been mulling around in my brain actually has a deeper meaning and roots in mythology (at least part of it anyways). Up until this point I thought it was just a name I liked…who knew there was actually possibly a point to it. Not that I’m anywhere near a point where I would take one on, or anything, but it was something I came across a while back that struck a chord, so I’ve kept it on my things to think about in the future list. Now I know I was right to put it there!
Interestingly enough…I was cleaning out my email today and ran across this link in a newsletter that I subscribe to:
I was somewhat bored at the time so I clicked the link and it took me to a site where you can create a nifty little Goddess avatar for use in various places, and what not. Why I’m really sharing this with you all though, relates to my experience last night after my ritual, with the Goddess…kid you not she sort of looked like this, seriously. I just had to share.
I had a quite ritual this evening to mark the Esbat and my intention of the night was to simply meditated on the Lord and Lady. At the start of the ritual I read out loud both the Charge of the Goddess (Valiente version) and the Charge of the Horned God (author unknown), then I began my meditation. I admit that lately I have had a hard time reaching a good trance state, and unfortunately this night was no different. Some of it has to do with the fact that I am usually worried that someone is going to knock on the door and interrupt me, so I am constantly on edge – not good when one is trying to relax. So trying for a while with no real results, I decided to go ahead and end my ritual and hopefully try again on another night. After I ended…I took a few moments to go outside and stand under the moon. It was in the 70’s today, and though it was a bit chilly out, it was still very nice outside. Well as I was standing there I got a sudden flash of a woman’s face looking down at me from the night sky, though it was brief and she didn’t say anything I definitely felt the presence of the Goddess. I then turned slightly so that I was facing the wooded area that is on the side of my house, and again I got a sudden flash…this time of the God, in his guise of the Green Man.
Though it wasn’t exactly what I had planned, things ended up turning out fairly well. Sometimes it’s not enough that we want someone to come and visit us…we actually have to get up off our asses and go see them.
I’ve been studying/practicing off and on for years it seems. Though I’ve probably had an interest in witchcraft and paganism in general since I was a child, I really did not start formally looking into it until somewhere around 1998 or 1999. Up until that time I was a non-practicing Christian, when I was younger I went to church mainly on Christmas and Easter and except for the years that I lived in Brazil (where church was more of a social event so we went on a regular basis), that was the extent of my “religion”. There were hints throughout the years that I was being called in a different direction. Besides almost always dressing up as a witch for Halloween (or some variation there of), one of the big ones occurred when I was a freshman in college. I was taking a world religions course and for our final exam we were told to describe our ideal religion, mine (surprise, surprise) was a earth-centered religion, that worshiped a Moon Goddess. What is interesting to note is that up until that point I had not studied Paganism at all, nor did I know anything about Wicca (or Wicca-inspired paths)…what I wrote that day came strictly off the top of my head. So imagine how surprised I was, when I discovered sometime later that there were actual religions in existence that followed many of the same things that I had described in my paper.
Once I discovered “Wicca”, it was like an immediate sense of homecoming. Those of you who have been though similar experiences know what I am talking about – that sense of belonging that was lacking before. I admit I jumped right in, never thought twice about it. Though I had been doing some studying on my own for about a year at that time, I was lucky enough to meet a friend who was involved in the Reclaiming community where I lived and a group of us circled at her house on the Esbats for about 2 or so years. Now up until this point, hubby seemed to be taking everything in stride, while he wasn’t all that interested in anything, he never indicated that he had any issues with anything that I was doing…silly me I should have known better. Needless to say he did have issues, and in late 2001 I had to make the decision to go back into the “broom closet”. During this time obviously, though my faith in the Goddess was strong, my practice suffered immensely. I was, for the most part, unable to have regular rituals or celebrate the Sabbats (other than in a “oh, it’s the Sabbat…yea!!” kind of way). I admit that spiritually I was fairly miserable, but I love my hubby, and he needed time. Lots and lots of time!!!
Flash forward…What changed, it’s hard to say. I was at a point where I desperately needed to connect with others who were on a similar path. I missed being with a group, I missed having a regular practice. I resolved that even if I couldn’t be open at home, the least I could do is find others online that I could talk to about it, and maybe somehow that would help me get though. Funny enough…it did.
Through my online discussions, I discovered several things about “Wicca’ and paganism – the big one, was that what I though Wicca was…wasn’t even close. Initially, that was a very painful discovery, but once I sat back and thought about it for a while, I realized that it was ok. If doing those things are what makes Wicca, Wicca, then I am willing to go thought the proper training and initiation in order to formally take on the title. At the same time, I also discovered a thing called “Reconstruction” religions. This was important for several reasons, not the least of which was my initial connection with the Goddess Isis, which had led me to consider Kemetic Orthodoxy on any number of occasions. As I eventually learned however, I did not connect at all to Aset (the actual Egyptian form of Isis), which more or less put an end to my pursuing that particular path.
Recons are also significant, because they (and Asatru in particular) ended up being my key to getting hubby to “understand” my spiritual choices, and ultimately led to my coming back out of the “broom closet”. Hubby has had an affinity for the Norse Gods for many years, and so I took a chance and bought him a book on it. You know that sense of homecoming…he felt it. To be sure he still has issues with witchcraft, but he does go (kids and all) to the local Pagan Pride Day with me, and he went with me to meet with the local pagan group that I did a Full Moon Ritual with a while back (which while a great bunch of people, sadly turned out not to be a good fit for me practice wise), but in any case he’s definitely, better about the whole thing these days.
So… TL;DR – My primary path is that of an Eclectic Witch, with strong leanings towards Wicca (at least as much as I am given to know as a non-initiate – may the Lord and Lady see that I eventually find a Coven to join, so that I can change that status), along with an academic (at least for the time being) interest in Asatru. I enjoy discussing and sharing what I know, and love learning new things as well. This particular blog is just a place to keep my ramblings, though I’m horribly bad about remembering to post, so I’ll apologize about that right from the start.